Sunday, August 23, 2009

Wait and see

Bandar has stretched both Sophie and me well beyond our comfort level -- and she hasn't been here a full day yet. While my partner and I are committed to adjusting to these new circumstances one day at a time, we both have caught ourselves projecting and worrying about concerns over which we don't have much control, at least not now.

There's lots of planning. Installing grab bars, setting up appointments, discussing personal care options and outpatient rehab, schedules. And its almost impossible not to attach lots of questions to those issues. What if she doesn't do well in rehab or doesn't like it? What if we hire an incompetent or uncaring care giver? What kind of care will we need when I start a new career assignment? What if Bandar's anemia returns?

We can address any issue if or when it happens. But we can't do a damn thing about most of our concerns. And if we give too much weight to the things we're powerless over, they make all the other decisions and details we have to deal with today all the heavier and difficult to manage.

Fortunately, we now have a sage under our roof. We would do well to practice one of my favorite Bandarisms: "Wait and see." It's her response for situations born of doubt, uncertainty, confusion and skepticism.

Keeping it simple, we accept the things we cannot change, change the things we can and pray for guidance to know the difference. For those things that haven't happened yet, we remind ourselves that they're in the future, we do what we can to prepare and we ask for patience and faith so that we may concentrate on doing the next right thing, now. In Bandar speak, we wait and see.

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